Outrage as independent shops are found to be actually opening on time.

SMALL shops around Denbighshire are facing a public backlash, as residents are voicing concerns over the opening hours.

“Standing outside shops tutting and complaining to passers by is part of my morning ritual. What am I going to do now? Do they expect us to just go into these shops that are now opening on time? What am I going to complain about to the owner now?” asks Enid Spraucher, 67 from Denbigh.

This shop is open.

This shop is open.

The outcry comes as many shops are beginning to open and shut in accordance to their advertised times, and not the previous accepted norm of up to 1 hour either way.

Historically, part of the Denbighshire scene during the hours of 8-9am and 5-6pm is that of swathes of people, sprawled across the streets complaining that the shop they need is closed.

Many people are suffering withdrawal however. Andy Hickfarm of Trefnant said he has to now walk up to shop doors, try the handle, sigh and shake his head several times before even entering, in order to get his fix.

Shop owners have apologised.

“I’ve had to lock my door for 5 or 10 minutes after 9am and stand behind it cackling at my customers just so they can get some relief.” said the proprietor of a fruit & veg shop in Denbigh.

“Jeff Brimble”, said Jeff Brimble from Ruthin.

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Ruthin School Head suspected of crashing potato lorry on A55 to ‘Annoy the welsh’

The controversial head teacher of Ruthin School, Toby Belfield, was spotted late last night cackling manically after hijacking a lorry carrying potatoes. The sightings came just hours before the lorry crashed, spilling it’s cargo over the dual carriageway and causing massive disruption.image

Belfield, who earlier this month got in a bit of a mash over his comments about the Welsh language and education, was almost manic with glee was allegedly running around throwing potatoes at passing cars screaming the words “Narrow minded” at them in various languages, including Welsh.

Although slightly delirious, when we spoke to him he said: “This’ll show them. Look at your economy now! Not so… a-peeling now is it? Welsh potatoes?! Ha! Road potatoes!”

More on this as we chip away at the details.

Coleen Rooney to purchase Prestatyn.

The wife of footballer Wayne Rooney a footballer famous for having a face as flat as a frying pan has revealed she intends to purchase Prestatyn.

The move comes after the columnist purchased a caravan in the seaside town, but hadn’t realised there was no million pound gate, driveway or gold encrusted taps.coleen-rooney-aintree-300-419483450

“I need something a little higher standard than a scummy shack on a beach resort, so I’m going to just buy the whole town. It’s nice, it could do with some work and the first thing we’ll do is move everyone out but once that’s done it should be quite nice.” she said.

Coleen, 29, said she planned to dip into her husbands fortune, earned by him chasing a ball around a field for the last several years to secure a deposit on the town as soon as possible.

Locals aren’t convinced however. Some have already begun barricading the various entrances to the town, with some chaining themselves to their own homes.

“I don’t care who she is. Prestatyn is my home and she can turf me out over my head body!” claimed Paul Shannon, a father of 9 who had just finished building a moat around his house.

Bryn Terfel declines Denbighshire visit, says “They all think I’m Ed Balls.”

THE classical opera singer from Caernarfonshire has passed up an opportunity to visit Denbighshire on a musical tour of the high schools this summer because he keeps being mistaken for the former Shadow Chancellor of the Exchequer.

Given Labours defeat in Denbighshire, the singer is worried that such a move may cause unrest among residents, especially students, who historically know both everything and absolutely nothing about politics simultaneously.

Left: Bryn Terfel Right: Ed Balls

Left: Bryn Terfel Right: Ed Balls

Some theories exist surrounding the singer and former MP, with many believing they are the same person as they’ve never been sighted together. However, Denbighshire Today in an exclusive phone conversation with the former MP asked him for his thoughts on the situation.

“Ed Balls.”, he said.

A petition has now been started online by Harriet James of Dyserth to bring the singer to Denbighshire in full Catherine Jenkins costume. So far, over 4000 people have signed it.