Anger as dog gets Rugby player poo on it’s paws

A WORRYING new craze is sweeping the area, with Rugby players defecating on their pitches at the end of games.

Rugby and Football fields, which are predominantly npp_image_300used by dog walkers, are becoming cesspools of human feces, a spokesperson for North Wales Police has said.

Robin Rhyddygthwyn from Cae Seren, Ruthin was walking his dog across the Ruthin Rugby Club pitch last week when he noticed his Great Dane’s paws were caked in a chocolaty surprise. When he stopped to look around, he noticed a group of Rugby players releasing their turtle’s heads on the other side of the pitch.

“The sound was astonishing,” said Robin. “You could hear them all squeezing, at first I thought it was just a choir singing in the distance, but they were really straining. I tried to shout and stop them, but they ran off.”

Residents of the area are being asked to remain vigilant and report any sightings of Rugby players pooping outside of their designated defecating pens to North Wales Police, who have commissioned a specialist task force to deal with the problem.

Ruthin School Head suspected of crashing potato lorry on A55 to ‘Annoy the welsh’

The controversial head teacher of Ruthin School, Toby Belfield, was spotted late last night cackling manically after hijacking a lorry carrying potatoes. The sightings came just hours before the lorry crashed, spilling it’s cargo over the dual carriageway and causing massive disruption.image

Belfield, who earlier this month got in a bit of a mash over his comments about the Welsh language and education, was almost manic with glee was allegedly running around throwing potatoes at passing cars screaming the words “Narrow minded” at them in various languages, including Welsh.

Although slightly delirious, when we spoke to him he said: “This’ll show them. Look at your economy now! Not so… a-peeling now is it? Welsh potatoes?! Ha! Road potatoes!”

More on this as we chip away at the details.

Public shock as bloke who runs Leonardos not called Leonardo

A Denbighshire Today investigative team can reveal today that the bloke who runs Leonardo’s Delicatessen in Ruthin is not called Leonardo.

We have sent several undercover journalists to the Deli over the last 3 years and the results are conclusive, although the man’s real identity remains a closely guarded secret.Leonardos

We asked people on the streets of Ruthin what they thought, Sheila Jones, a 59 year old ex-world record tree surgeon from Cerrigydrudion said: “I think it’s terrible. Our community relies on people being honest about their names and reflecting that in their business. Just look around, there’s someone’s Nain who runs Soip Nain, Mr Boars who is the head of the Boars Head pub, as well as Ellie Jones who runs the lorry company, Ruthin relies on these people.”

Local window cleaner Jeff Brimble added: “Jeff Brimble. Brimble, brimble brimble. Jeff Brimble.”

Although he refused to comment, Denbighshire County Council chief Mohammed Mehmet has already hiked Council Tax in order to pay for mandatory deed-pole legislation against business owners who refuse to use their names. Mr. Computer Shop, who used to be named Isaac Birchall is allegedly one of the first to have been forced to comply under these new rules.

New town logo to replace Moel Famau, residents rejoyce

Some lines on a screen have been successfully selected to replace the eyesore, making Ruthin an “easily seen” destination.

Earlier this year, residents of Ruthin and the surrounding areas campaigned for the demolishing of Moel Famau, one of the mountains looming over the area, which protesters say was a “significant eyesore”.ruthinlogo1

In timely conjunction with the reveal of a brand new Ruthin town logo, a local design team from France have been handed the £4million contract to build the town logo in the mountains place, using a cutting edge new approach involving lasers.

Councillor Huw Hilditch Roberts said: “This is a fantastic development for the town, and the lasers, alongside the removal of the mountain mean I can now wear my sunglasses all year round.”

“We would like to thank the small team of voters who made this decision entire… sorry, the er, town and residents who campaigned to make this a reality. We’re now creating a new website for the town, where visitors will actually be able to take a virtual tour, giving people the option of not even having to visit, which is fantastic.”

The Mayor of Ruthin was excited too, when asked what he thought of the development he said: “Mountain lasers.”

In 2003, Denbigshire Today took to the Streets of Twickenham to ask residents what they thought of the then 12-year future development. One person, Dave Snarp, 50, said: “I’m just trying to get to work, please leave me alone. I’ve heard of Ruthin, it’s that place George Micheal was born, isn’t it?”

More on this,