Kanye West asks DCC exec for a loan to buy Llanbedr School

THE controversial rapper tweeted “Yo Mehmet, ima buy yo school. invest in KeducationWest @ $5mil i promise kids be stars like me. Im the best teacher in the world.”

kanyeIn a string of requests including asking Mark Zuckerberg for a 1 billion dollar loan, it seems that Kanye now see’s himself as a teacher. “Im like jesus or moses bro, people follow what I say, I am the teacher of life. #kanyeforpresident #tidal” he tweeted shortly after.

The musician has setup a company called “KeducationWest” with a view to buying schools and presenting pre recorded e-lessons to classes of students across the world, with subject ranging from how to see through shutter-shades without stumbling, to Kanye’s own unique style of accounting and book keeping.

The companies website claims “No needless math numbers, no pointless geography mountains. Just lyrics, fashion and pictures of Kim Kardashian… everything modern education needs.”

While Kanye was unavailable for comment, DCC’s exec said “We don’t listen to 1000 parents, you really think we’ll listen to him? Actually we might… good way to put up council tax actually. We’ll get back to you on that.”

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Mold residents petition to become part of Denbighshire. Claim Flintshire is “Proper Gash”

A PETITION has been setup by residents of Mold, pleading with DCC to extend their county boundaries to include the town.

The document, titled “Flintshire? More like Flintshite! A better life for Yr Wyddgrug” has so far been signed by 8000 people and is expected to hit 10k by the close of mold-county-hallFebruary.

The author has chosen to remain anonymous due to fear of the Flintshire firing squads, however a spokesperson at the county council said that practice was almost non-existent anymore and that they’d welcome open discussion.

 

Ever since the Caerwys practice of writing “Nearly Denbighshire” on letters &
correspondence caught on and the proposed underground passage between the town and Bodfari, residents of Mold have pushed hard to be part of Denbighshire instead.

A spokesperson at Denbighshire County Council said “Not a chance! Mold is a crap name anyway, Flintshire can keep them.”

More on this when it never happens.

Kerry Katona to open new Rhyl Highschool by throwing a can of Special Brew at it.

CEREMONIAL launching of ships are celebrated by smashing a bottle of wine against the hull, and the opening of the new Rhyl High School promises takes that a step further culturally.

article-1336853-0234B1FA000005DC-596_468x326We couldn’t really understand what Katona was saying when we interviewed her over the phone, but it is understood that Carlsberg have sent the Atomic Kitten an entire case of Special Brew to practice with.

Rhyl Mayor Mellor said “We want to christen this school like they christen ships, but nowhere around here sells decent wine, so we popped into Bargain Booze and they were happy to sponsor the event.”

Carlsberg Special Brew is a popular beverage in the area, and many residents get their first taste at a young age when they leave teeth under their pillow for the tooth fairy, who in turn leaves a warm tinny instead of money.

The new high school building is set to be a state-of-the-art facility, complete with guards armed with tazers and a special “growing room” where students can learn about hydroponics, a popular town export, and It’s understood that the old high school site will be fenced off and preserved after being fumigated.