RESIDENTS and commuters are complaining of long delays after a dangerous bridge has been caught breaking into people’s houses and defecating on their carpets, causing traffic to be diverted around the town.
The bridge was closed on Saturday to allow work to make it safer, after it was deemed the weight all the extra suspicious white bags being carried over from Rhyl was making the bridge unsafe. During the repair work, the bridge, which was captured and secured in place in 1278 managed to break free and ran off into the town at night on a cocaine fueled bender.
Reports of the bridge breaking down doors, sneaking through cracked windows and then having toilet on people’s property has been reported widely.
Harry Daniels, 39 of Clwyd Avenue said “There’s bridgepoop everywhere, I’ve had to call in a professional cleaner to get the hardened remains of bottom-chocolate and white powder removed from my kitchen tiles.”
The bridge stopped by The Bridge Inn, singing Steps songs and panting violently. Witnesses heard the bridge screaming “Lisa? Where’s Lisa? Wanna make you mine, better get in line, 5 6 7 8!” repeatedly.
Police have managed to catch and subdue the bridge, which is being returned to it’s home and secured in place ready for reopening on Tuesday.
Lisa Scott-Lee, who is believed to have dated the bridge in the late 1990’s was unavailable for comment.