DUBIOUS and early celebrations are being made today as Denbigh has won the award for “Most people dressed up for Halloween in a single area” after judges walking through the town yesterday accidentally mistook all the residents for ghoulish clad facsimiles.
“They were moving very slowly, with a vacant look in their eyes and seemed to have no purpose about them.” said David Schmitz, one of the judges.
Denbigh itself is also in black and white for 200 days of the year
“We tried to speak to several of them, and they totally ignored us. Some simply sighed and said ‘aye’ once in a while, the entire act was extremely well thought out and convincing, or so we thought.”
The judges made their way out of Denbigh and faxed the award through to the town council, who embarrassingly had to admit that there was in fact no act going on, and that the residents were simply that vacant all the time.
Talks are now being held with the Welsh Tourism Board to turn the town into a ghostly themed adventure park once a year, where contestants from all over the world will be able to try their hand at ‘blending in’ with the undead locals for as long as they can before being chased out of the town by the alcohol fuelled zombies which appear later on in the evenings.
RESIDENTS and commuters are complaining of long delays after a dangerous bridge has been caught breaking into people’s houses and defecating on their carpets, causing traffic to be diverted around the town.
The bridge was closed on Saturday to allow work to make it safer, after it was deemed the weight all the extra suspicious white bags being carried over from Rhyl was making the bridge unsafe. During the repair work, the bridge, which was captured and secured in place in 1278 managed to break free and ran off into the town at night on a cocaine fueled bender.
Reports of the bridge breaking down doors, sneaking through cracked windows and then having toilet on people’s property has been reported widely.
Harry Daniels, 39 of Clwyd Avenue said “There’s bridgepoop everywhere, I’ve had to call in a professional cleaner to get the hardened remains of bottom-chocolate and white powder removed from my kitchen tiles.”
The bridge stopped by The Bridge Inn, singing Steps songs and panting violently. Witnesses heard the bridge screaming “Lisa? Where’s Lisa? Wanna make you mine, better get in line, 5 6 7 8!” repeatedly.
Police have managed to catch and subdue the bridge, which is being returned to it’s home and secured in place ready for reopening on Tuesday.
Lisa Scott-Lee, who is believed to have dated the bridge in the late 1990’s was unavailable for comment.