“Destroyer of worlds” fireworks menace small town, kills thousands, Satan to blame.

THE town of Ruthin was changed forever on the evening of September 1st, after the equivalent of 1600 tonnes of TNT in fireworks was set off as part of a satanic wedding ritual at Ruthin Castle.

At around 10pm, several square miles of the town were flattened by the explosive power of the display, with thousands feared dead.

A nuclear penis firework, thought to have been designed by Satan himself.

A nuclear penis firework, thought to have been designed by Satan himself.

Several residents of the town immediately forgot that they had ever experienced fireworks in their lives, and took to Facebook to vent their anger. The group ‘Save Our Town – Fireworks are killing us all’ has already reached 4300 members and is growing fast.

Many are taking to Facebook from beyond the grave to vent their anger. The recently deceased Mary Shabblehop, 43 from Castle Street said “I was eating a tasty lamb chop for dinner when I noticed the noise. A fireball engulfed the┬ámy house and now I’m more charred than my evening meal. The council is clearly to blame, RIP me.”

Others weren’t so quick to take against the display, George Fyllarddyn, a retired postman who moved from Wales to Canada in 1978 said “I enjoyed the display. From where we live in Toronto, you could see the fireworks go off, it wasn’t that loud.”

Efforts are now being put in action to rebuilt the town from scratch, and include a low-roof over the entire area armed with sentries, to extinguish any further fireworks before they cause any more satanic destruction.